


Time To Fear

by Rivermoon1970



Series: Time and Again [18]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fear, M/M, Witness Protection, threat to family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-10
Updated: 2015-10-10
Packaged: 2018-04-25 18:13:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4971253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rivermoon1970/pseuds/Rivermoon1970
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Reaper strikes and Spencer makes a bad call</p>
            </blockquote>





	Time To Fear

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Tifer14](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tifer14/gifts).



> Part of this story was inspired by Tifer14's Y is for Yearning.

“Papa,” Jack called out as he walked in the door, “Papa you home?” He looked around and didn’t see Spencer anywhere.

“Maybe he stepped out for a while,” Henry La Montagne said as he came up behind his friend.

“I’m just surprised, he hasn’t really left the house since the funeral,” Jack walked over to the couch and sat down with a heavy heart.

“I know this has been hard on both of you Jacks. I don’t know what I would do if something happened to my Dad.” Henry sat next to Jack and pulled him into a hug. “I’m glad you’re staying.” He said as he lifted Jack’s face up so he could kiss him.

“Hen,” Jack playfully smacked him away.

“What are you afraid of?” Henry sat back looking at Jack. 

“Nothing, just,” Jack takes a deep breath, “I haven’t told Papa yet. I was going to tell-“ Jack suddenly got quiet as he closed his eyes. He surged off the couch and went into the kitchen to start some coffee. His Dad had always teased him that he had picked-up Spencer’s coffee addiction.

Strong arms wrapped around him as he stood there waiting for the coffee to finish.

“I’m sorry Jacks.” Henry kissed the side of his cheek, “I don’t mean to push.” 

“You’re not pushing Hen. Its just,” He looked around the kitchen, normally his father’s domain as Aaron had loved to cook for them, “I look around and its hard to not see my Dad here. Every time I hear the door open I expect him to come through it. I was going to tell them that night.” Unbidden tears started to flow down his cheeks as he let himself break just a little.

Henry turned Jack around in his arms and held him close. “I know you’re trying to be strong for Uncle Spencer, but Jack you can’t keep all of this inside anymore. Let me be strong for you,” He cupped Jack’s cheek and moved in close to gently kiss him. “I love you and I’m here for you.” 

Jack cleared his throat, “I know. I know Hen,” He pulled the man even closer, “I love you too and I will tell Papa, I promise.” He looked up into Henry’s face, “Have you told you’re parents?” 

“I was going to tell them at dinner tonight.” Henry kissed Jack once more, “Which you are more than welcome to come to.” 

“Thanks Hen, I think I will. I’m just going to-“ He was about to say something more when his mouth was once again being ravished by the younger man. After a few minutes of toe curling kisses Henry broke away.

“To what Jacks?” Henry smirked.

“To leave a note for Papa and Sasha, I’ll meet you in the car.” Jack just shook his head when Henry seductively walked out of the house.

As he started to write a note Spencer and Sasha walked in and saw Jack standing here.

“Jackers,” Sasha ran over and grabbed her brother in a hug.

“Hey, where were you two?” Jack smiled wide at his two favorite people.

“Took a walk to the park, played some chess with Mr. Elkins,” His eyes took on a note of sadness, “He asked about Aaron,” Spencer said quietly. 

“I’m sorry Papa.” Jack pulled Spencer into his arms to comfort him just as Spencer’s phone rang.

“Reid,” He said, “Hey Jayje,” He listened for a moment and contemplated the question she asked. “Sure, it might be good for me.” He tried to keep his voice upbeat but Jack heard the false cheerfulness in it. “Okay Jay, we’ll be there.”

“Papa?” Jack looked at his father confused.

“JJ asked me and Sasha over for dinner. She said she assumed you were already coming with Henry.”

“I was just leaving a note for you about it.” Jack looked a little nervous but Spencer put it aside for now.

“I’m just going to go clean up and change, we’ll see you guys there in about an hour and a half.” He patted Jack on the shoulder as he made his way into the bathroom. He took a long shower and tried to calm the nervousness that was building up inside of him. He knew he needed to get out and start doing things, to join the world again but it was difficult. Today at the park many of his friends asked about Aaron not just Mr. Elkins. He swallowed back the pain of having to answer their questions and thankfully Sasha was there to help steady him. He knew he couldn’t lean on his daughter, but there were times when it was hard not to. After getting out of the shower and changing, which he procrastinated on, he was ready to go.

“Sasha,” He went to go find his daughter. She was sitting on her bed dressed and ready to go holding a picture of her fathers in her hand. “Hey sweetheart, come on.”

“Daddy had a lot of friends didn’t he Papa,” She asked as Spencer sat down on her bed next to her.

“Yes he did. You’re Dad had many friends, at work and outside of it. He made friends easily.” Spencer pushed her hair behind her ears and studied his daughter for a moment, “Was it the park baby? It was hard to see all those people and hear them asking about Daddy wasn’t it?”

Sasha nodded her head sadly. Spencer gently took the picture out of her hands and put it back on her nightstand. It was a favorite of hers from a few years earlier. Spencer and Aaron were dressed casually and they had been caught by Garcia in an embrace, kissing. The analyst snapped the picture and showed Sasha. The little girl instantly loved it, so for her birthday that year Garcia had given her a framed copy. Sasha loved it immediately and kept it next to her bed so she could see it every night.

“Come on Sasha, your Aunt JJ and Uncle Will are expecting us.” Spencer got up off the bed and held out his hand for her. Slowly she got up and took his hand as they walked out the door. A short time later they were pulling up to the La Montagne’s and though Spencer’s anxiety was rising he knew he needed to do this.

“Spence,” JJ opened the door before he even got there. She grabbed him in a tight hug and held on for a minute. “How are you Spence?” She asked when she finally pulled away.

“I’m taking it one day at a time Jayje.” He smiled sadly at her,

“Come on,” She led him inside and he was very happy to see Will.

“Spencer, how r’ y’ doin’ cher?” He asked and he too gave the genius a hug.

“I’m doing better Will, thank you. Now, where’s my godson?” He smiled softly thinking about Henry.

JJ lowered her voice and led him to the living room, “He and Jack are out back in the shady part of the yard. They still think we don’t know. I think Henry is going to say something tonight so act surprised.” 

“Don’t they remember we’re profilers?” Spencer had a genuine grin on his face. He knew Jack and Henry had kept their relationship quiet, but they should’ve known better.

JJ laughed, “I think Henry thinks that I’ve lost all my abilities over the years.” They all chuckled as they moved into the dining room. JJ calling for the two young men to come to dinner. Later that evening as they were sitting around having dessert and drinking coffee Jack was the one that spoke-up first.

“Um Papa, Uncle Will, Aunt JJ, I ah, I have something, actually we have something we wanted to tell you.” Jack hesitated a moment when Henry grabbed his hand and smiled softly at him.

“Mom, Dad, Uncle Spencer, Jack and I have been together for about two years now. We kept wanting to tell you guys but something always got in the way. We didn’t mean to keep the relationship from you it’s just…”

The three adults in question all had grins on their faces and Henry let out an exasperated breath, “You all knew didn’t you?” 

JJ nodded her head slowly, “Yes Hen we knew and we wanted to wait for you to tell us.”

“I told you they probably knew. Damn profilers,” Jack just laughed and shook his head at his family.

“And before you ask, we are more than okay with it Henry, Jack, we just want you guys to be happy.” JJ got up and hugged the two boys as did Will and Spencer.

“You’re not mad that we didn’t tell you Papa? I wanted to I wanted to tell you guys then Dad,” He hung his head and tears came to his eyes. He had tried to not cry in public he had let that Hotchner stoicism take over. The three older adults wrapped him up in their arms and let him grieve. JJ knew it wasn’t only Spencer having a hard time and she was determined to help the Hotchner men however she could.  
__________________________________________________________________________________________  
_Hotch: Sometimes there are no words, no clever quotes to neatly sum up what's happened that day. Sometimes you do everything right, everything exactly right, and still you feel like you failed. Did it need to end that way? Could something have been done to prevent the tragedy in the first place? Eighty-nine murders at the pig farm. The deaths of Mason and Lucas Turner make 91 lives snuffed out. Kelly Shane will go home and try to recover, to reconnect with her family, but she'll never be a child again. William Hightower, who gave his leg for his country, gave the rest of himself to avenge his sister's murder. That makes 93 lives forever altered, not counting family and friends in the small town of Sarnia, Ontario, who thought that monsters didn't exist until they learned that they spent their lives with one. And what about my team? How many more times will they be able to look into the abyss, how many times before they won't ever recover the pieces of themselves that this job takes?_

_[a hooded figure appears behind Hotch, he turns around, facing the barrel of a gun]_

_Hotch: Like I said, sometimes there are no words, no clever quotes to neatly sum up what's happened that day._

_Foyet: You should have made a deal._

_Hotch: Sometimes, the day just …_

_[Gunshot]_

_Hotch: …ends_

Two hours earlier:

The emotionally and physically exhausted team was slowly disembarking from the plane. Everyone was silent as they were still trying to process in their minds just what had happened at the pig farm. No one could make sense of the horror of that place and Spencer was quieter than normal. Aaron had sat in front of the couch where Spencer was curled up and just watched his lover sleep. He wished that he could, that he didn’t see the devastation in his team that had been caused by a desperate, angry and vengeful man. When the plane landed there was a collective sigh of relief.

“Reid,” Aaron gently shook his lover to wake him up.

“We landed?” He asked sleepily.

“Yeah,” Aaron grabbed his briefcase and go bag then waited for Spencer as he slowly got his bags as well. They walked into the office and Spencer already knew Aaron wanted to get some preliminary work done before they could put this case to bed.

“Why don’t you stretch out on the couch in my office? I’ll just be a little while,” Aaron said giving Spencer a kiss. It was late and he didn’t really care who was around to see. The case left them all feeling a little raw and vulnerable and he just needed something to steady him.

“Okay, but wake me so we can go home.” Spencer curled up on the couch and Aaron had pulled out a pillow and blanket that he kept there for nights when he worked too long.

It was about two hours later and Aaron was loath to wake the sleeping young man. It was so rare that Spencer got this kind of dreamless sleep that he made the decision to leave him there. He wrote a quick note telling his lover why he didn’t wake him then he went home.

Spencer’s phone went off at 6 am. He sat up disoriented for a moment when he looked around and saw that Aaron hadn’t woken him up. He picked-up the note and smiled a bit at Aaron’s misguided thoughtfulness. He called his cell phone but got no answer.

“Hey, you could have woken me up. Anyway JJ needs me to meet her for something. Call me when you get this.” He got up and noticed no one around. He quickly went to his locker and grabbed the spare clothes he kept there for emergencies then took a fast shower and changed. By the time he got out JJ was calling him again.

Several hours later a Doctor and his young son were saved but not before Spencer was shot in leg. By then he was frantic, especially after Emily’s phone call to tell him Aaron was in the hospital. Now he was sitting in an examination room anxiously waiting for his leg to be braced. The doctor was trying to tend to his knee and he just wanted to get to Aaron. All he could think about was how Emily said there was blood. He didn’t even want to be with Doctor Barton, but he stayed professional and helped the man when the UNSUB showed up at his house. Now he was lying in a bed waiting for a Doctor to release him.

“Look, I need to go okay? I need to find my boss,” The Doctor was trying to fit the brace on him as he was trying to get up.

“Please Dr. Reid, I need to get this brace on you till you see the specialist. Now please hold still.”

“You don’t understand I need to get to my boss,” JJ found him arguing with the doctor and just shook her head.

“Spence, the longer you argue the more time it will take you to get to Hotch, okay? Let him do his job.” 

“JJ, have you seen Aaron? Is he okay? Why won’t anyone tell me what’s going on?” The questions rushed out before JJ could answer.

“Spence stop. You have to listen to me, okay?” Spencer took a deep breath and settled back to let the doctor finish the temporary brace for his leg. “Spence, Aaron was stabbed, it was Foyet,” JJ barely got that out before Spencer was trying to get out of the bed again.

“Spence, you have to calm down, I’ll take you to him, but you have to let the doctor finish.” JJ put a hand on Spencer’s shoulder to try to steady him. 

“Fine, but hurry,” He growled out. The long suffering Doctor just shook his head and finished as soon as he could. He was fitted for crutches and as soon as the doctor released him Spencer was out the door. He rushed as quickly as he could to get to Aaron’s room with JJ trying to keep up with him. When he got there he saw his lover talking to Jack with Haley off to the side.

“Haley, what’s going on?” Spencer noticed the US Marshalls there and Haley was fidgeting and upset.

“Spencer,” She smiled softly as she turned to the side to look at him, “Oh my god, what happened?” She looked down at his leg.

“It’s nothing, I’ll be fine,” His heart was pounding as he saw Aaron sitting there in bed wrapped in bandages.

“I’ll ah let Aaron explain.” She hugged the genius which took him by surprise before she went in and gathered up Jack. On her way back out she stopped and laid a hand on Spencer’s arm.

“Take care of him Spencer. Don’t’ let him do anything stupid.” She had tears in her eyes as she walked to one of the Marshalls with Jack in her arms and was led away.

“Wait, Haley what’s happening, Jack?” Spencer was confused as to what was going on. 

“Pencer,” Jack was yelling and holding out his arms for the young agent and when he started towards them he was held back by an agent.

“Sir, I’m sorry you need to let them go.” The agent had a sympathetic look on his face at the devastated look on Spencer’s face. “They are being protected. I’m sure that Agent Hotchner will explain everything to you.” The agent waited a few moments then when Spencer seemed to calm down he made his way out in the direction that Haley went.

He still hadn’t heard anything about what actually happened to Aaron and now Jack was being taken away.

He rushed into the room and before he did anything he grabbed Aaron face and kissed him. “I’ve been frantically worried, dammit Aaron what happened?” He held his lover’s face in his hands as he tried to get his emotions under control.

“Spencer,” Aaron closed his eyes and grabbed the man and kissed him again, “Oh god Spence, when Emily told me you were shot I didn’t know what to do.” He carded his hands through the younger man’s hair.

“Aaron you still haven’t told me who did this. JJ said it was Foyet,” He put a hand on the older man’s heart as he sat down on the bed next to him.

Aaron closed his eyes and laid back on the bed, “It was Spence,” The anger and guilt surged up in him.

“I should have been there Aaron, you should have woken me up. God, why didn’t you wake me?” Spencer was feeling guilty that he wasn’t there, that the man he loved had been hurt.

“Spencer don’t do that to yourself. If you had been there he would have hurt you too. I couldn’t, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if he had gotten to you.” Aaron’s emotions were all over the place as he held Spencer’s hand.

Spencer was quiet for a long time. He didn’t want to say anything at the moment because he didn’t trust himself not to break. 

“Spencer, talk to me love.” Aaron reached over and lifted the younger man’s face so they could see each other.

“God, I don’t know what I would have done if I lost you Aaron,” Spencer said quietly as he rubbed his cheek against Aaron’s hand.

“Spence, I’ll be okay. I promise you.” Aaron tried to smile but it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Aaron, what’s going on with Haley and Jack?” Aaron exhaled when he grabbed the credentials that were left him and handed them to Spencer.

The younger man opened the wallet slowly and his eyes widened at what he saw. It was a picture of Haley and Jack with the eye of providence marked across the photo.

“No, oh God Aaron,” Spencer didn’t know what to say.

“There’s something else Spencer,” Aaron pulled something out from under his pillow and handed it to him.

It was a picture of Aaron and him from the year before, a candid shot that Garcia had taken of the two of them. There was a symbol over Spencer’s face as well with the word choose over the top.

“I’m not afraid of him Aaron and I’m not going anywhere if that is what you are thinking.” Spencer wasn’t leaving Aaron alone to deal with this on his own. He was a trained agent and though they often felt fearful for each other, he wasn’t going to let a sociopath scare him away.

“Spencer, please if anything were to happen to you-“ Aaron didn’t want to have his attention divided between Haley and Jack in witness protection and Spencer out in the field.

“I’m not arguing this Aaron. I am staying, you need me, the team needs me I am not going anywhere.” The two men stared at each other as a small battle of wills was going on. Spencer was surprised when Aaron let out the breath he was holding and grabbed his hand again conceding to the younger man.

“Okay, but dammit Reid be careful and no heroics,” Aaron’s jaw was working back and forth as he tried to hold in his emotions. 

Spencer smiled softly as he stroked a hand along Aaron’s cheek, “I’m not promising anything, but I will try my best to be careful.” His heart was aching for the man on the bed, the man he loved and he didn’t know how to help him. “Aaron, we’ll get through this, and we’ll do this together.” He wanted to crawl up on the bed next to him and just hold his lover close, but he knew he couldn’t. Not just because of the unknown agent’s right outside the door, but because of his own leg injury.

Aaron closed his eyes trying to control the emotional storm brewing inside him over everything that that was happening. When Reid took his hand in his and held it he breathed a sigh and was relieved if only for a moment. 

“I’m not leaving you Aaron,” Reid was desperate to hold his lover, to comfort him but he couldn’t and it frustrated him. 

“You have to take care of yourself Spencer,” Spencer put a finger on Aaron’s mouth stopping him from saying more.

“I’m not leaving you,” Spencer stood and leaned down, gently cupping his lover’s face he leaned in and kissed him. He poured all his fear and love into that kiss. Aaron reached up and carded his fingers in the long shaggy hair and pulled the man in closer. He relished in the kiss and let Spencer’s comfort wash over him. 

“Stubborn as always,” Aaron said as he broke the kiss, stroking a hand down Spencer’s face.

“And don’t you forget it,” As the two men just stared at each other longingly someone behind them cleared their throat.

Spencer sat back down in the chair but didn’t let go of Aaron’s hand.

“Oh, don’t mind me one bit,” Dave smirked as he walked into the cubicle.

“Dave,” Aaron glared at his friend as he walked into the room. Everything was just too much at the moment.

“I’ve pulled a few strings and got a room that the two of you can stay in.” He walked over and sat on the other side of Aaron. “I had a feeling that Reid wasn’t going to leave the hospital, though he should go home and rest that leg.” 

“Yeah well that isn’t going to happen,” Spencer gave Aaron a look that told him this was one argument he wasn’t going to win.

“So how much did you donate to pull that off?” Aaron let the joke fall from his lips though he knew this whole situation wasn’t a joking matter. He needed to feel something other than this overwhelming sadness and grief at the loss of his son. He looked over at Spencer and saw him frowning down at a picture.

“Reid?” Aaron used the work name to bring Spencer out of his head, “What’s going through that big brain of yours?” Dave was all but forgotten at the moment.

Spencer lifted his head and the tears on his face constricted Aaron’s heart. When Spencer lifted the picture of him, Spencer and Jack, he knew exactly what his lover was thinking.

“We’ll get him back Spence,” Aaron’s voice was soft as guilt crept into his heart. He had been so focused on his own loss that he forgot how much Spencer loved Jack too. “I promise,” His voice hardened and Spencer was suddenly wary of what Aaron was going to do.

Dave sensed the two needed to be alone, patted Aaron on the shoulder and left. He would talk to his friend later to try to gauge what was going through his mind but he knew it wouldn’t be welcomed at the moment. A short time later they were moving Aaron to a private room and Spencer followed.  
The day had been long and emotional for both men as they lay in their respective beds trying to sleep. Spencer began to worry about Aaron, the tone in his voice when he said he would get Jack back scared Spencer. He turned and laid down on his back, his knee throbbing and the old itch in his elbow flared-up. Not only that but he was worried about his blood tests. The doctor worked on him in the field after he had helped the suspect with no gloves. He hoped to god everything came back clean. He was grateful when the nurse came in to give him pain meds, he knew he should ask what they were, but he didn’t. He was emotionally drained and exhausted and part of him just didn’t care what they gave him. When he fell asleep that little voice in the back of his head thinks he just made a huge mistake.  
__________________________________________________________________________________  
Aaron and Spencer were walking into their apartment when Aaron stopped and stared at the door. His hand hesitated on the handle almost shaking.

“Aaron, we can take Dave up on his offer,” Spencer stood on his crutches as he waited patiently for Aaron to open the door.

Thinning his lips and shoring up his resolve Aaron opened the door and went inside. He looked to the side and saw a new alarm system and secretly thanked Morgan for it. He knew Morgan was going to come by later in the day to show them how it worked and how to change the codes. He also noticed that the carpets were cleaned and the bullet hole in the wall repaired.

Spencer moved inside and collapsed on the couch a little tired from the effort of getting home. His knee was aching and he knew he needed to take some meds but all he wanted to do was sit there and not move. He looked up to see Aaron staring at him.

“What?” The word came out more acerbic than he meant it to be.

“Your hands are shaking Reid.” Aaron was frowning at his partner wondering what was going on with him.

“I’m just tired Aaron-“

“Spencer, please don’t lie to me right now,” Aaron said as he lowered himself into one of the chairs. All his stitches slightly pulling from the effort.

Spencer closed his eyes and tried to get himself under control. He hadn’t wanted to confess what happened in the hospital but he knew Aaron too well. The man had known something was going on but didn’t want to confront him with all their friends coming in and out but now they were home he knew Aaron wasn’t going to let it go.

“I didn’t stop them when they gave me morphine in the hospital,” he said as he turned his head to the side, not wanting to look Aaron in the eye.  
Instead of the admonishments that he was expecting Aaron just reached out and laid a hand on his arm.

“Reid, do you want to keep taking it?” Aaron asked point blank.

It was the hesitation that had Aaron alert and worried as he watched Spencer move so his leg was elevated on the couch. 

“Want, such a simple word. What do I want? I want for you to be okay, I want Jack and Haley to be home and in their beds, I want to have not been shot in the goddamn knee which I now need surgery for. I want the pig farm to never have happened, I want to go back and wake up and come home with you and maybe, just maybe we could have taken the bastard out before he hurt anyone else. I want to not feel this goddamn need coursing through me. I want-“ he hadn’t realized that tears were spilling from his eyes nor did he realize when Aaron moved to kneel on the floor next to the couch. He put a finger on Spencer’s lips, silencing him as he wiped away the tears that fell.

“Spencer,” Aaron gently kissed his lover, “I know and god I want most of those things to but we have to face the reality and deal with it Spencer.”

“And is your version of dealing with this going to be obsessing over Foyet?” The admonishment came out harsher than he meant it but he knew Aaron had been sneaking files back into the house.

“Reid,” Aaron immediately regretted the tone as he watched the expression on his lover’s face. “Spencer, he’s stalking our family. He threatened Haley and Jack, he threatened you. I,” Aaron pressed his lips together to stifle the storm of emotions raging through him, “I will get our family back together Spencer.” He carefully stood up, his chest and stomach burning from the effort. “And as far as the morphine, I can’t tell you what to do Spencer. I can only be here for you.” He cut himself off before he said anything else that he might regret.

“Just say it Aaron, your pissed off and disappointed that I wasn’t stronger,” Spencer pressed his lips together waiting for whatever it was Aaron was going to say.

“I would be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed Spencer,” He tamped down the temper that wanted to rise in him because neither of them were emotionally ready for this conversation but things needed to be said before it festered between them. “But I can’t make you do anything. What I want you to do is call your sponsor, talk to him and figure this out because I can’t do it for you. But, I’ll be here for you because I love you. Now I can’t make you make that call but I will leave the phone here while I go take my meds then lie down because I’m tired. We can talk later.” Aaron wanted to bend down and kiss Spencer but he couldn’t, not without causing damage. He did, however, run his fingers through Spencer’s hair before moving off to take his meds and try to get some sleep.

As soon as Aaron was out of the living room Spencer sat and stared at the phone for a long time before he picked it up with shaking hands. Closing his eyes he let the tears he was holding back fall before he dialed the well-known number. 

“Hello John? It’s Spencer,” he bit his lip as he closed his eyes, “I fucked up.”


End file.
